“We’re all just trying to turn hard work into chicken nuggets.”
The Worst Things About Being An Adult
"You have to call your own doctor, I'm not mature enough to speak to a medical professional."
The Worst Types Of People On Instagram
"Do you know how many hashtags are necessary? Zero! Zero hashtags."
The Most Annoying Types Of Couples
"There is only one two-for-one special I am interested in and it comes with a side of gravy."
Things People Do In Public That They Should Do In Private
"Unless you are literally being chased by a man with a functioning chainsaw, there is no good reason to be running."